Weekend Package

Every week our boys vote on something called “Weekend Package”. It’s supposed to be a motivation tool to give them something to work for and to feel good about working towards an achievable goal. Past weekend packages have been camping out, going to an arcade,staying up extra late, hiking, skating, etc..

This Saturday we went to a freestyle motor-cross. Nothing can compare to watching dudes on dirt bikes doing back flips while eating a hot pretzel. I looked forward to this all week. Every night at dinner we sat and talked about how they learned to do all of those tricks, I worked with the boys trying to build a two foot high ramp the boys were going to use to practice all the gnarly moves they were going to learn by watching the pros at the event. We were stoked.

Saturday morning- I awake to the sound of birds signing outside my window, this will be a good day! I go to the kitchen and make a big breakfast, wake the boys up and make some coffee for my wife. I even change my daughters diaper without the usual gag reflex I have every-time I change one of her diapers. Yep, today is my day.

Things were going so well that I didn’t notice the sky turn pitch black. It started to thunder and the heavens opened up. It began raining on a biblical scale, Noah would have felt right at home. The boys began to panic as I turned on the TV and saw there was a tornado watch in our county. All of the boys began to worry we would not be able to go to the motor-cross event. I assured them that even if the tornado flattened our cottage, I would make sure the tickets would be safe.

My wife then began to try and talk us out of going. I tried to explain to her that you just can’t cancel a man event because of rain or a little tornado. This moto-cross is so much more than an evening out with the boys. This was a crucial rung on the ladder of manhood. For me not to take these boys to the one and only motor-cross event in our area for this year would almost guarantee the boys would be doomed to playing with Barbie dolls and tea parties. It just aint right to doom a boy to that kinda fate. I tried to assure my wife that this is an area of child development that I know best, just trust me, this time. Please? She walked away shaking her head. Crisis averted.

Finally it was time to load the bus. I was giddy with excitement, in less than two hours I would be in the presence of screaming motorcycles flying through the air.

Then it began.

Ten miles into the trip I started getting “Are we there yet”, which was quickly followed by “I have to pee”. Twenty miles down the road and they started fighting about who passed gas. 45 miles into the trip I pull into Mcdonalds for dinner. I was secretly hoping that a Happy meal would shut them up. It didn’t.

Finally we arrive in downtown Columbia, SC. I decided to drop off my wife and the boys and then park the bus. Luckily, I found a great spot that was conveniently located a little over two miles away from the stadium. I jog to get there before the event starts.

Finally I arrive. We start walking to the seats when suddenly, Jake has to pee for the fifth time in the last two hours. For a six year he is either very well hydrated or has the prostate gland of a ninety year old man.

Then Carl decides it would be a great time to walk off and go shopping by himself at the concession stand, along with the other two thousand or so people that were in the causeway. I can hear the motorcycles and the crowd cheering as I search for my lost sheep. Finally I spot Carl and I gently guide the young lad to his seat.

After missing the first fifteen minutes, I am finally able to sit down and enjoy the show. Oh wait, Charlie now has to use the restroom. I tell him to hold it. He threatens to pee in his popcorn bucket. I actually thought it was a great idea, my wife didn’t.

So I was standing outside the Men’s restroom waiting for Charlie to take care of business when I noticed a bunch of other fathers standing outside the restroom with me. Every-time the crowd screamed and went wild, I would watch the reactions of the guys standing with me. There was a little sadness in their faces as they realized they were missing most of the show.

Eventually Charlie emerged from the restroom. Once we got back to our seats, it was intermission. The kids told me all of the great tricks the riders did. Kick flips, back flips, the superman, you name it- they did it. My wife was even having a great time. I took this opportunity to ask if ANYONE had to use the restroom. No one did.

The show starts up again. I watch as the next rider prepares to launch his bike off the ramp. Two of the boys begin arguing about who is touching who. I turn my head to calm the boys down, just as the rider does an amazing trick and the crowd goes crazy. I missed the whole thing.

I know when I have been beaten and I have to admit they whooped me good. Tomorrow I’ll give you the follow up. Till then enjoy the video, I need some sleep and a chance to relax and dream of respite. -Launch

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