Unrealistic expectations

Yeah…. I’m sure. Skip the roses on your next date and just put in a big old fatty dip. That’ll impress her.  

This is a reprint from the forum board. I don’t get much tobacco contraband issues with our elementary kids. So I’m just taking a nostalgic walk back to 2006 and a little ranch tucked away in the foot hills of Georgia. -Launch

We caught one of our boys sneaking a dip of snuff in the rest room the other night. Immediately he spit out what he had and went directly to the family couch and had a seat (He is familiar with the drill) while we tossed his room.

We found a can in his room and finished up the search. We then went into my office to have a talk and discuss the ramifications of this new discovery. A few minutes into our discussion, I noticed he was becoming very uncomfortable. Since this was not exactly the first time we had this little talk I figured something was going on. I then saw him swallow VERY hard. I knew then he had another dip in.

Instead of making him spit it out, I decided to have a little fun. I figured he had either a lot of courage to try and sneak a dip into my office or he just plum lost his mind. I started asking him how he was feeling and trying to get him to talk (Every question I asked caused him to swallow more tobacco juice in order to answer).

After about ten minutes I noticed he was sweating and not looking very well. I then proceeded to go into how great men can overcome obstacles, the history of tobacco which somehow led into Valentines Day (?) and Nazi occupied France. This was a good twenty minute roll. By this time he was wiping tears out of his eyes. He finally lost it when I grabbed my bible and asked him if he knew what Proverbs had to say on our discussion. He jumped for the trash can coughing and gagging. He apologized, confessed and told me he had a dip in, and swore never to touch the stuff again (Which I doubt).

Needless to say my yard should be looking good by the time he gets done raking next week. He is also very confused about France now. -Launch

My Bucket List

I just saw previews of a new movie that got me thinking about life all over again. The movie stars Freeman and Nicholson and looks like it may turn out to be a good flick.

The part that has got me thinking is the basic plot of the movie; two guys, dying of cancer make a “Wish to do list”. Of course one of them is filthy rich and able to dish out the bucks for a little globe trotting.

The way I figure it, at best, I have only about 50 more years to get done whatever I want to do. Factor in my McDonald’s diet and it would appear I have less than 8 years to change the world.

Having said that, here is what I wish to accomplish before going home to glory.

1. Open a Boys Home.

2. Build a house.

3. Ride a Motorcycle from Key West, Florida to Alaska.  

4. Blow up a car. (It’s my list and it can be as creepy as I want it to be).

5. Build a Church.

6. Kayak down the Mississippi.

7. Start an alternative school for kids that can’t function in a already poor public school system.

8. Start a web site that would give positive reviews of Child Care facilities across the US to better help potential and current HP’s trying to find a place to fit in.

9. Home-school my daughter.

10. Collect hot sauce (Long Story).

11. Go deep sea fishing.

12. Go fishing with explosives.

13. Go fishing in a stream with one of them cattle prod things.

14. Write a book.

15. Smoke a Cuban Cigar.

16. Learn Greek.

17. Read Old and New Testament completely thru, front to back without missing a word. (Leviticus always throws me off).

18. Ride to Oceanside, California.

19. See one of my kids earn a Bachelors degree.

20. Find a good web site to buy my Bachelors degree from.

21. See the Alamo.

22. See the Grand Canyon and throw something in it. (A rock, cat, stick, etc…)

23. Drive a drag car.

24. Wear a gay pride t-shirt to a NASCAR event. (Hey Mike, I got tickets to Atlanta want to go?).  

25. Lose 45 pounds.

That’s what I have for now. Some of this stuff is actually in the works (#1 and #9). Others may have to wait until I complete the rest of the bucket list and I’m ready to check out. (#24) -Launch