OK, so it’s not exactly the old swimming hole in the creek down by the woods. It’s more of an Olympic size swimming pool with life guards and diving boards, but it’s still sacred space to me.
The pool is the one place I can sit back and watch the boys dunk each other, get sunburned and yelled at by lifeguards. Yep, it’s chill city. Sometimes when I’m feeling just a bit squirrely I’ll jump in and toss the boys about until they beg for mercy. Pool time is sweet.
Our boys would live at the pool if they could, come to think of it, I would to. The only major drawback to the pool is the sun. Coming from European decent, I get a sunburn if there are to many light bulbs on in the house. So this year I discovered sunscreen rated at 80 spf. The only way to get more protection would be to wrap my body in a quilt, which would be suicide in South Carolina. I figured with 80 spf I could kick back in the sun all day without the slightest darkening of my creamy albino complexion.
You have probably already guessed that my plan failed miserabley. Only my butt and finger tips did not get third degree burns, probably so I can type this blog and serve as some kind of warning to all of you. I wish you could all see the tears run down my face as I type this, not from emotion, but from the fact that 1000mg of Motrin is having no effect. Oh how I wish I had a hook up for morphine.
I tried some of the old fashioned remedies for sunburn. I started with spreading shaving cream all over my body. Unfortunately it was menthol, which felt like someone dumped kerosene over my body and flicked a match on me. After I stopped screaming like a little school girl and my wife finished her spastic laughing, I jumped in the shower, which was equivalent to the pain one would receive after being shot 4 thousand times by a BB gun.
I tried laying on the bed, but as you can imagine, I would rather stand. Being a Yankee I grew up with a very short summer season and much longer winter than what my Rebel brothers did here in the south. As such, I never miss an opportunity to ridicule everyone here when it comes to driving in the snow. Unfortunately, paybacks are harsh. The boys seem intent at greeting me with a slap on the back, which causes me to involuntarily to drop to my knees and try to smile like it doesn’t hurt.
Right now that group home in Alaska is looking real good… -Launch