Feeling Trapped!!

I know some people read my site and think I am some sort of wack job, but I imagine others might think I am some super houseparent.  I assure you I am not, although I don’t think I am a wacko either, but who knows.  I do know that right now I am not feeling like a very good houseparent.  I am feeling totally overwhelmed, and honestly not sure being a houseparent is the best career for me.  I am sure none of you have ever felt this way.

 I have four children that I have been with for almost 5 years now that may be leaving this summer.  Three with their birth mom and a fourth with a foster family.  I have grown quite attached to these children and though I pretend that their leaving doesn’t bother me, deep down inside it really hurts.  I have a 5th child who has been with us for 1.5 years that I know for sure is leaving this summer that seems very much to be in a downward spiral.  Though his behavior here at the house has changed little at school it has become bad both behaviorally and academically. He has gone from “A” Honor role at semester to hopefully being able to pass the 3rd grade. All the kids are sick of school and keeping them focused for the nest 6 to 8 weeks is going to be struggle (I know this because it happens every year).  Spring and Summer is approaching with all the activity and PR that comes with it.

I very much would like to write positive things for the website, but it seems the ideas are few and far between.  Honestly, it doesn’t seem like I have much time to even contemplate any.  I have even considered the possibility of selling it a few times these last few weeks and trying my hand and something else (there are several other skills I have). 

Which by the way, because there are so many things I can do, it seems like everybody is asking me to do them.  “Mike can you fix this?” or “Mike can you fix that?”  “I am having a problem with this, can you help?”  With the exception of the 6 hours on Sunday (Church & NASCAR) that belong to God and I, it seems like all my other time belongs to somebody else.

The only reason I don’t do a Forrest Gump thing (though I would have to walk NOT Run) and run out to the end of the road, town, county, state, country and back a few times is that:

  1. I would probably have a heart attack before I got to the end of the road from spending too much time in front of this computer.
  2. Because I have felt this way before; that it will most likely pass and things will get better again.
  3. My wife won’t let me.
  4. I know that this is what I am supposed to do and there are just enough glimpses of hope to keep me going.  (My highlight of the evening was working with our 6 year old and teaching him how to tie his shoes.  He was very exited when he was able to do it.)

I hope this is helpful to some of you out there.  If you are feeling a little discouraged, take heart, even the webmaster of The Houseparent Network gets that way too!!

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